Finding something to cling to - a writer's mental health journey
I believe everyone needs something to hold onto while they are going through their struggles. Whether that is faith, music, or anything really. It makes what you’re going through, hopefully hurt a little, or a lot, less. When you feel like you’re at rock bottom, having some kind of foundation to build back up is key. I think it helps you get on track—on track to a different you.
In the midst of my storm, I clung to faith. Specifically I clung to God.
One day, I will say how I ended up here, but that story is not now. This is about how I am using my faith to help see me through the storm that is raging in my life right now. The only light I could see and one of the only things that makes me feel like I can get to the end of the tunnel. A dark scary tunnel. (I’m going to see how many metahphors I can fit in here too - bear with me.)
I grew up in and out of the church, going when I stayed at my dad's or invited by a family friend.
Things were different at my mom’s place—where I stayed majority of my time. My mom gave me and my siblings the freedom to be open to other spiritual expressions. (Or at least it seemed so.) Sundays were open days and mom generally worked weekends or the next day. So there was no pressure to go to church.
Growing up, I had friends with different views, so it always peeked my curiosity on what others believed or didn’t believe. I remember being curious about reincarnation when learning about it in school. I’ve always been a curious person, so when it came to hearing from others I was eager and open to what they had to say.
With my dad, we went to sunday school, then regular church service, and occasionally there would be second service in the afternoon. It was hard for me as a kid to understand the significance in going. I didn’t want to go—I was always so tired from the night before, staying up and watching anime. When I got older, I got to have a choice and I choose not to go. To me, Sundays were days to relax at home and catch up on sleep.
As I got older, my views of God changed. What I’ve been through, the blessings I recieved and the situations I was in, only God could have brought me through. I felt like God was overhead in everything—that He was the universe. It changed a little more at the beginning of the year—He has become more absolute in my life.
In one of my nights of trouble, where I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks, I sent a scripture to my father. Psalm 46:1, from King James Version, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”
It was a scripture that gave me hope, and that calling on God I would see the light and peace I had been searching for. Well, God works in his own time. As much as I want my pain to end, I know I need to be patient and trust in Him.
My experience has me wonder what other people do in their time of trouble. So, what do you do in your time of trouble? Comment below.
Before I end this post, I will leave some of my favorite scriptures below that have helped me. If you want these turned into phone backgrounds, leave a comment below.
Check out my previous essay -- When you're up against yourself.